Rajeev had made his last call to Rhea. “Invite me for your marriage, I…I love you”, he said, and hung up on Rhea.
Rhea’s voice sunk as she narrated the phone conversation to Yash. He lay beside her, emotionless, in a familiar place. His face grew grave, and Rhea became melancholic. Tears loomed in his eyes as he tried to look away from her. Still air and the sound of silence was all that remained in that place. “Don’t you want to tell me anything?” she asked him. She had spoken to him for nearly two hours, not one drop of tear fell; all she wanted then was to listen to his deep voice say, “It’s alright”, brush her hair and kiss her on the forehead. He left one cigarette behind in his car and smoked the rest and as he blew the last few rings away, he spoke his first few words after three years since he last met her.
Life looking through smoke rings, circles of friends gone and gone. All I can do now is, give you my shoulder.
As he heard her breathe heavily, he raised himself on his elbows and flicked the cigarette away with his middle finger. The gesture was all that Rhea needed; it was as if she had stored all the emotion inside her for this very moment. She rose, and wept. Her hands slid across his shoulders. She wept further; as he brushed her hair a few times, turned her face towards him and caressed her cheeks. Despite being agnostic, Yash looked up to the heavens seeking an answer.
If you are really up there, can’t you even show us a picture of the puzzle we are trying to solve? Why do you do this?
He never rode on his past, but Yash couldn’t prevent himself from thinking about the first time he had met Rhea. The penultimate year in his university needed him to cross a lot of hurdles. Yet another batch of freshers brought about a lot of talk. He loved everything about Rhea, her curly hair, her ego and her smile which magnified her dimples. A proposal was always on the cards. It happened, but the minute Yash knew that she wasn’t interested in him; he used the term friendship to create another chance for himself.
Six months into her university life, Rhea found the right person. It was Rajeev, the laughing stock among the freshman. They fell in love. They claimed to have. A few things happen exponentially. It took six months for the first kiss, but, in a few days, smell of the skin took priority over lectures. But they never made love to each other. Was it fear? guilt? I am not sure. Another six months flew by and on a romantic Tuesday, the stage was all set for the point of culmination. Rajeev snored after a long night when Rhea took time to cut her hands using sharp kitchen paraphernalia for reasons known only to her.
Rajeev and Rhea spoke twice a day ever since and eventually their conversations ended up in silence.
Why did you do this?
I dont know.
Do you want to talk?
I dont know.
Do you still love me?
I dont know.
Rajeev felt there was a need to talk, but Rhea never gave the chance. But for their immature opinion on love and lust, their relationship would have grown. He ended up cuddling her after she slept and woke up and left before she got up. It was his way of searching for an answer. And a month later he got a reply for the perfunctory message which he left her every day. “You said, it was just lust and you don’t see a future in our relationship”, she had replied. The alchemy of desire was rather unknown to the teens.
A month was too long. Yash, who had proposed to Rhea a year ago, was having lunch with her after hearing about the traumatic break up. Yash saw her spoon making more noise than his for once. He realized there was something wrong. Multitasking regularly, being in his finaly year, Yash made sure he caught up with Rhea in the evening to discuss about her lackadaisical behavior during lunch.
It’s not about you, Rajeev and me, we.. eh.. , I mean.. u know.. but I swear, we dint do it.
There was indeed a lot to talk. Yash and Rhea walked to the end of a pathway, climbed over the roof and stood in the same place where they lay now. Ambidextrous, like he always was when it came to smoking, Yash waited for Rhea to open up. An hour went by; the sound of the second’s needle on his watch reminded him that he had work to complete. He was never interested in listening about Rajeev and her. She started speaking about how she felt about the entire episode as if she had memorized it a couple of times. As they looked at each other, he said, “I am still in love with you”.
They could never classify their relationship. Yash never realized that he was indirectly contributing to her daily expenses and entertainment? He never got a thing in return, not even a kiss. A year went by; he was used as the emotional friend, a stress ball and was also labeled as her cook. It was a great time to stay at the university hostels for the rumor mongers. The wait killed him but the day never ended without a rendezvous. Coquettish as she always was, a few text messages and a romantic Friday evening made him think that she was still interested; after all why wouldn’t a guy think that way if a major part of their fine dining conversations were filled with talk about their marriage.
A few emails between Rajeev and Rhea and an upcoming career in front of Yash was all that Rhea needed to get her relationship with Rajeev rolling again. Yash was cheated, but he knew the truth. He had cut all his ties with the couple, but with respect to the relationship he had shared with Rhea, he knew the term friendship was abused profoundly. How can a boy and girl be just friends? A couple of years passed and their relationship grew stronger after they had debriefed about the entire fiasco which happened and since Rajeev started working in the US, a few phone conversations and sex once in six months made them happy.
They decided to get married; after all, the girl was turning 24 soon. Their engagement was a clandestine affair. Sometimes, some things just have to go wrong. The sun rose above New York City. Hugging the pillow like he usually does, Rajeev turned on the snooze button a few times. He opened his left eye slowly to find a romantic message from Rhea. It all fell under the schedule. He rubbed his palms together and kept it on his eyelids and slowly he tried opening both his eyes. His right eye wouldn’t open. Well, he thought it was lack-of-sleep induced. A few minutes later, he forced his right eye open to find that he had no vision in it. Nothing made a difference, splash of water, sun rays right into the lens. Nothing. He didn’t show up for work, but made sure he got enough rest, still contemplating the fact that he couldn’t have gone blind.
Phone calls were missed. He felt nervous; he couldn’t say it to her. He left her a message from his friend’s phone that he had surrendered the line and will call her soon. A month went by, consulting various ophthalmologists who ended up with a conclusion that his nerves just malfunctioned. He was blind on one eye.
What happened?
I am blind Rhea. I can’t see on my right eye.
What? Don’t play with me, I aint giving you a free kiss if you were to tell me its a joke. Raj… Raj are u there? Tell me its a joke please.
And they cried over the phone. It was a good enough reason for the unconvinced parents to put an end to a marriage that was never supposed to happen. It was hard to see Rhea’s face then. Phone calls weren’t answered and there were no replies to her text messages. Little did she know about Rajeev trying to create a better life for her by disconnecting himself from her and his social circle. It was then she realized that while shuffling between Rajeev and Yash, she had lost all her friends. After her university life, her world was Rajeev. Waking him up, going to bed and then going to work and exchanging text message in between. It was three years since Yash had graduated, but,she had no other person but for Yash to talk to her at this hour.
Clarity in thought was always Yash’s strength. It didn’t seem so when the girl got back to him after three years, yet again. Yash wiped the tears off her eyes and started walking from the place where he proposed to her when they were studying. She clung to his arms as he walked to his car. She was looking for a support. He opened his car to light his last cigarette. He shrugged his tears and all he could see is how she had used him. He couldn’t control himself from coming but for the love he had for her. He sat inside his car when it started pouring heavily. Her tears were lost in the rain, it was sign that he had to move on with his life as well. Yash started pulling up the window when she tried to get a glimpse of him. “I always loved you but I can never live with you. I am sorry”, and drove away into the twilight.
Cest la vie.
Ersatz 