Ersatz

Warning: ‘PG 13′ Rated. Contains brief references to nudity and sex. 

Hell yeah, I am immured inside this village. My attempts to elope from this grain on the world map have failed. Inhibition tells me, I might have just lost the opportunity to remove the hefty thing over my head. Being optimistic hasn’t worked for 4 years, I have slowly started digesting the fact that it grew along with me and took 17 years to show symptoms of its strength. It had shown the blood lines of a paladin, not an immature teenager. I have come to terms with the fact that I haven’t been alone, it was a unanimous emotion among many and it was not chauvinistic.

No, I still haven’t contemplated suicide. I have given myself 5-6 years before I get married to a person of the opposite sex. My recent conversations with a few girlfriends gave me the key to the Pandora’s Box. After listening to them and giving it quite a thought, I told myself, if marriage is so metamorphosing for the female kind I won’t mind getting married to one. But when is the question? Well in the ocean of blogs on the internet, it can be difficult to find one focused on marriage that is not trying to play the role of being a matchmaker, aka MAMA. This post can be quite irritating if you have work to do or you were looking for hot profiles. If that’s the case you might want to check out on what we lived on, two years ago, Tamil Helmets.

10 PM, June 7th 2009, I am listening to this guy who is speculated to be born to an elephant and whose teeth resemble Nancy Kerrigan. Not to mention, his IQ is less than his shoe size, he talks about how he might get married to his love affair when he completes his masters. He is 19. Fuck my life (FML). When my cousin used to tell me that his colleagues/friends of his were getting married, I was like chalega yaar, 26 is not so bad. It is highly traumatizing nowadays after having seen five wedding invitations arrive at my inbox in a span of 30 days and to hear such morons talk about wedding bells and bullshit. Damn these, astrologers and the Tamil calendar. Well, I thought that the Child Marriage Restraint act was passed in 1929, it isn’t the case, women are getting married by 21-22. Men, thinking about getting married by 23 (average age when they complete their masters) probably are to be thala mughugified. They are para helmets who haven’t had sexual titillations for 23 long years and decide to embarrass themselves by plunging into tying the triple knot. 

Suggested Solution:  Bajari – In strict terms lady in high street offering body rental service. (courtesy:  tamilslang)

One can only blame the horrible tamil movies topping the BO. Phrases such asKalyanam pannikalama? or Evalo kozhandai pethukalam? have become mere pick up lines among the so called youth. This is what I noticed in the past 24 hours. I found a guy possessing a copy of the Kamasutra in his room. Being curious, I asked him if he used it as an asset in jerking off before the day’s work. He said, he made a guy three years younger to him, buy it, all to check out pictures and learn from it. There was complete silence for a minute. Sitting less than 2 meters away is the 19 year old brat who is reading a pdf article on How to kiss a woman? On questioning, I get to understand that he has to kiss his girl friend at least this time when get backs to a village in India.  It’s been two years since they got together. FHL. I am just trying to understand what is wrong with these youth heroes from India. Like in every statement, there can be exceptions; don’t be intelligent enough to drop me a comment as to how SUPREME your maturity levels are. I have also carefully analyzed the guilt aspect among these kids. This is a killer, especially among the Brahmin youths in India. 

Once upon a time, there lived a girl and a guy named Eve and Adam respectively. They were nearly at the ends of the globe. Adam pursued what he liked in his university. Eve, as an exchange student flew down and caught with Adam. A few months later Adam and Eve start to have a fling over each other. They speculate their relationship and date the last month before Eve left home. For some damn reason, Adam asked Eve if he could kiss her during a motion picture. Eve replied saying, probably this one time, do not let my boy friend know about this. It so happens on other days as well till she departs. I am not going to give you a packet of cigarettes for guessing the climax, like any Tamil movie, Eve and Adam went to bed the night before she left and they stopped before he made love to her. He stated reasons that he realized the mistake and wanted to get back to the original relationship he was sharing with her. 

I can actually quote at least a dozen more real life stories to make my argument more strong about how immature people can be when it comes to love, marriage, affairs etc. etc. The facts lie on the table. Marriages which are arranged might actually work in favor of most helmets giving them the opportunity to press the RESET button and start all over again, except in this case, if it doesn’t work, you might want to write into Times of India relationships head, weekend edition. On the other hand, love marriages can get boring. As they say, how long can you see the same bitch? From 17 to 70? You at least save 10 years in the former case. But if it does work, you can call it the answer to all the karma you have ever done. We must understand the one bitter fact as suggested by my friend Sneha, girls are pleasure centric. On the other hand, guys are logic centric. A direct consequence is the ratio of the amount of girls who break up with guys and vice versa. To summarize, I quote one of the blogs suggested by hawkeyeview. Marriage, not only brings together just two individuals of different opinions and attitudes, but two lives and choices which are unique and complex, but such mergers and amalgamations have more impact on women than on men. Women find an internal and organizational takeover while men find external and financial takeover. Consequently, change is inevitable, but it is strongly influenced by beliefs, values and priorities. If you are able to relate to the statement completely, then it probably means you are ready to search for your life partner.