Ersatz

I have not understood why people fantasize the Valentines day? I think all helmets are of the opinion that if they propose to a girl on that very day (Feb 14th – it will remain the same, unless Dr.K feels he must change it to April 14th), the girl would say a ‘yes’.  But I might be hypocritical in this view,  I have always fantasized the V-Day.

Why? Well when I was schooling, it was the very day when these sms’s would start pouring in even without realizing that all the money-minded cellular service providers have levied each sms with a tax of 50p just because of the fact that they feel people will be sending in a lot of “I trulllly maadly loouv u ya”. But in a way the service providers in Chennai did make a marginal profit.

Yes, they were surprised. All these boys and girls started sending pixelated Titanic’s with a message at the end saying, hope you find a date.

Poor helmets like me used to look at the only sms we recieved that day and call our friends (other helmets) to meet up at hot spots like the Ispahani Centre (6 yrs ago, now, no one cares a rat’s ass about it). Girls from MOP Vaishnav College used to flock along the Nungambakkam high road.

One set, would wait in the bus stop, take out their lip gloss and cueetee mirror (all in pink mind you) trying to attract the attention of helmets traveling in buses and share autos. If people do look at them by any chance, well their V Day is deemed to have been successful. They would sms all their friends  (the next day mind you, we girls are Kanjam Pisnari, we keep exactly 1.50 rupees to make missed calls and text msging has always been free of cost) saying a guy asked them out and proposed right in the middle of the road, but they rejected it.

The second set, a notch above the first, would actually go out on a date. No offense, but hell yeah, after their 5 hour coffee at CCD (its the cool way of saying Cafe Coffee Day) they would jump into Paasha (a discotheque) which is right down the road. Oh yeah, did I mention, guys in Chennai are usually the sitting ducks. Be it valentines day or not, the guy has to pay for the girl (unless he tags along with some friend who is a girl at the entrance alone). Stag entries are strictly not allowed. So after the party, the guy drops her back without realizing that he would be seeing her for the last time. It so turns out that be becomes a Helmet the next day. Any kind of evidence that the girl has been out with the guy is removed. She becomes a clean (Brahmin) girl.

The third set, you might have never heard of it. They form the Helmet community among girls. They say,

Two lives, two hearts joined together in friendship, united forever in LOVE.

They call each other as their respective valentine. They form a group. They partaay inside the house till they create MAYHEM (for parents). They take photos which very much look lesbian to the original helmets. They upload it on Orkut. Their Valentines day is made.

This was the kind of life which helmets like me went through 6 years ago. Well we used to have a hearty laugh seeing all this happen live right in front of the extreme gethu hangout, take one picture which would turn out ugly because, well we do look ugly. Our mirrors do tell us that.

Two years later it was different, my first valentines day at NUS.  I made half boiled Pongal. My second year, I made Maggi Goreng with vegetables. My third year, I was busy arguing with Vicky Vichu on why I dint want to dance in Tarang and ate what Charanya had made for dinner (OC). My fourth valentines day, after having coming to NUS was pretty cool in certain aspects. No, there is no Cafe Coffee Day in Singapore. Where Ram Sena did go wrong was that they had plans of stopping V-Day from happening.  This lead to the Loouuvv inside the youths to come out with a message.

The YOUTH speaking to IBNlive:

1. This incident which has happened in Blore, its a threat to us, but its Valentine Day, thats the day we should enjoy.
2. I am not scared at all, neither do I think any youngster of my age would be scared of it. Its a tradition. People have celebrating this since years and there will be no change as such, you know with regard to 2009 Valentines Day. It ll be just the same.
3. We are a democratic country and all this happening here, I dont know what to say. If this is the way they are progressing, I dont know where we head too.

1. (Helmet) - “This is the only day I can get to see  as many girls as possible at the same place, being a working day.” (Saturday is a jolly day is a holiday. Well TR was wrong, It is a working day in schools and most colleges, so do not comment on this thinking you are intellectually superior in this sense)

2. (Set 3 Helmet (G)) – “Whatever happens, all our parties are inside the house. Its a tradition, no one wants to even look at us and it will be the same with regards to 2009 Vday as well. Check out facebook tomorrow for the album, Sexxaaay time at Manjusss yaay!“

3. (Set 2 Helmet (G)) - “You just asked the wrong person. I have 17 arrear papers to clear and I am more worried about who is going to pay for my drinks tonight and drop me back home. Yaar, I have to tell my mom that I am going for sleepover, now who will agree to this lie? Stupid. Idiot. Naansense.”

What exactly happened in Singapore? All the hype about the Pink Chaddi campaign was  Ctrl+C and Ctrl+V ‘ed in google talk and facebook. Well, being a helmet, I did not know that ordering a bocquet of flowers for a girl in India is the same, whether you do it on the 13th Feb or on Jan 31st .  India being India, the florists switched off their mobile numbers and put a note on their website saying, all Items will be delivered but the status would change only after two days.  Obvious question? What did I do next? Nothing I waited from morning till midnight (15 Feb hai) only to recieve a call from her saying she got it. It did happen, well she sounded as if the florist woke her up while she was sleeping. Not even 5 min over the phone, I was starring at myself on the phone screen (End Call). What a self kalaai my V-Day has become.

Wonder how it would have gone for my friends. Thala might have played cricket alone at the SRC Nets. Nagu might have tried hunting for an SEP chick near the DBS Atm in YIH with whom he can talk about how he was born in Chicago and brought up in Adelaide. Bobby might have probably bought a huge pink teddy bear which he can also hug along with his girl friend. Pasu, I have no doubts, he was the one who tore all the V-Day posters across the campus. Ask him he would say he was highly inspired by senior Ghaleej.   USA, well he would have written a poem for his Tamil teacher. LP, might have probably written I love you on his basketball and smooched it. Madhu (cousin) would have probably enjoyed trying new recipies. Which one this time, MozhKozhambu? Rushi, probably was posing to an artist in Little India sketching him on a piece of cardboard. Anoj would have added a random figure on facebook, its not new, but well ..

Life just moves on for randumb people like us.

P.S. I am not a chauvinist.